do i have a crush on you or am i just lonely
do i like you or do i like that you like me
humans are so cute, when we say goodbye we put our arms around each other and to show we love someone we bring them flowers. we say hello by holding each other’s hand, and sometimes tiny little dewdrops form in our eyes. for pleasure we listen to arrangements of sounds, press our lips together, smoke dried leaves, get drunk off of old fruit. we’re all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast beneath billions of stars
i was looking through my old journal that i kept for a time last year and i was reading entries from a little over a year ago and it hit me that i’ve come so far. this time last year i was suicidal and depressed and i relapsed and i didn’t think i would make it until this Christmas, i didn’t think i would be alive right now but i am. everything now is so much different, i’m not suicidal, i’m not cutting, i’ve learnt/ am still learning to deal with my anxiety and i have bouts of depression from time to time but you know what? i know how to deal with it better than i did before. i can see a future or myself i want to be an artist that’s my goal, that is what’s driving me to keep going. this time last year i didn’t have one. the biggest thing of all that i am most proud of is i have hope and that is something i did not have a year ago, i have hope i will get better, and that things will turn around.
i have bad days still, but none as dark as they used to be and it gives me a feeling that the worst is over that things will get better that things have gotten better and hopefully will continue to do so.
what i’m trying to say is (and i know it’s be said like a gazillion times already) that things do change, things get better, it might take a week, a month, a year, whatever but things will get better if you let them. and i think it’s important to remember that, especially coming into Christmas where not only are we reminded of good things in our lives but also the bad.if you are going through a rough time right now, if you give yourself just one present this Christmas - give yourself some time, a lot of it, be patient, be kind to yourself, try to become more self aware of what your needs are as a human being and what you may or may not need to do to fulfill them, focus on you and what makes you happy and eventually things will start to turn around, it’ll get better and until it does, stay strong, things will get better, i promise.
‟The biggest part of me
You were the greatest thing
And now you’re just a memory
To let go of…”